Once upon a time, I was in love. Now, let’s not get all mushy about this; the situation was far from it, so why make it that way now? It was a less than glamorous relationship, and doomed from the start, but damn it, you caught me, hook, line, and sinker.
Remember that night? I do. It’s burned into my brain. I had never acted that way before; something about the way you performed, held your guitar, the lights hit your sweating face…I was intoxicated. I waited around after the show, wasting time bouncing between merch tables and rehydrating myself at the bar. You take a while longer to get out of the backstage area, but as soon as you stick your head out of the door, you spot me and smile. I had never seen anyone smile so brightly because of me before. The magnets in our chests pulled us to each other. Hugs, laughter, light touches to each other’s arms while talking about old times. Had it really been that long since we had seen each other? I never thought that when your family moved to New York that I would be seeing you again this way. I always imagined myself going to FIT for college and us randomly running into each other on the street waiting for a cab, or at a deli enjoying a muffin and coffee drink. Never had I imagined this.
I had been overcome by emotions that I had suppressed so long ago, so “no” was not an answer that I could have given you that night. But I also did not see that night leading to so many others…so many nights apart. I loved you, and frankly, still do. I know you love me too, but the distance and the time apart became too much to bear.
Okay, so I lied when I said that this all wasn’t mushy. I try and trick myself sometimes, but I supposed it doesn’t really work that well. This entire mess we got ourselves into is filled with sap, and I suppose the sappiest part of it all is that nowhere in my body do I honestly feel like this mess is complete.
© 2004
